To sleep or not to sleep?...

At night your little hands do a dance across me. There are sweet caresses of reassurance. Immediate grabbing of urgency. Tickling, drifting, lazy fingers. Early morning exploring. Late night cuddles. I know I've mentioned it before but it's so precious. You find me, grab at me furiously and then hold on to me while sleeping. I think it's the most loved and cherished I've ever felt. Sometimes, though I'm exhausted, I make myself stay awake and watch you by light of the alarm-clock. Time is going by. 

7 months...

I feel like this is going to be gone before I know it. I've reached a breaking point several times lately. While nursing, putting you down, the constant attending to you sleeping. I just keep reminding myself though there will be a point when you don't need me like this anymore. There will be days when I look back on this time and know it was much easier. And there are moments when I remind myself that even when things are hard they are now things I know so well and I know how to handle them even if I'm exhausted. Everything you do I'm so proud of. Every-time I smell your hair/head I get swooney. Then you crack a smile and my heart is lost. Even in the toughest moments I find reserves I thought were long diminished. You challenge me. You expand me. You teach me so much every day. 

Great Realization...

I'm thrilled to report that almost 7 months in I feel really great about this gig as your Mamma. I mean I don't feel scared or intimidated by it anymore. I know there are lots of decisions ahead of us, lots of moments when I will question my choices, options, statements, emotions, resolve, but never will I doubt myself as a good Mom. At least I hope not to. I hope to always remind myself that I'm so filled with love for you; I genuinely regard ensuring  your physical, mental, and emotional health my top priority in life.  I also strive to keep in mind not to compare you with other children. As with every parent there is exaggeration involved so it's pointless anyway. You are unique and special, and so am I as your Mom. I can't wait to grow into this role more!

Sniffles...

So you are sick for the first time. A slight cold. At least we think so. Runny nose, rather cranky and horse voice. Course you had a night of crying when this all occurred so it's kinda like the chicken and the egg thing. Which one caused what? Anyway, I can tell you aren't feeling good and it just sucks I can't fix you right away. Your Da and I also have colds. I think it's all not helped by us getting so dried-out at night. I'm going to set up the humidifier tonight in our room. In fact, I best go do that right now because you keep rousing. I'm sorry you're sick sweet babe.